Y’all still throwing caution to the wind??Woes from the land of milk and honey…
First, let me reintroduce myself to you all.
My name is Krisinda Simone Foster (Atkinson).
I'm 40, I have two daughters and I love life. I love people, I'm an empath in one of the truest forms I've seen. I'm a leader, I have so many that understand very little about me. I'm a bit too passionate- that's one of my many limitations.
Now, since we've gotten that out of the way, let's chat.
From the deepest desires often come the deadliest hate. - Socrates
This is so true for me in this moment. However, I haven't concluded a resolve that creates hate in me. As I live, I'd love to continue to grow.
Concern, confusion, perhaps even stupidity... not hate though.
The message is here, don't play with it. What do I mean with that??
Newness: the quality of being new or original.
New: not existing before; made, introduced or discovered recently or now for the first time.
You walk into uncharted territory, you cannot be scared. Unless you desire to fail.
Failure: lack of success.
Failure is subjective though...
I'm not even particularly speaking to failure-- me saying that you shouldn't play is me speaking to understanding yourself and what you're doing and who you're doing it with.
Fear: an unpleasant emotion caused by the belief that someone or something is dangerous, likely to cause pain, or a threat.
I realize my very being is an irrational fear to people. Men and women alike.
I have tried to make those that have been so inclined to knowing me understand that I'm not scary. Please do not fear me, I don't have malice in me. You're safe with me. I don't play with people. But people are funny... they are truly self serving and inconsiderate of me.
When understanding what you're going into and what the unknown truly is, you can say ok, I can't see shit, but eventually I will. I have to be in here to understand, and furthermore with knowing someone there are unlimited unknowns. Very much like the lotto that we are comfortable with knowing those damn odds are STACKED against us.
What are you willing to risk?? If nothing... don't play with people. But when you're damaged and afraid of an instant replay of something that you deem failed your perception is perhaps limited.
Being happy in the unknown is something that the world cannot monetize, makes me feel fearless and powerful-- think about it-- what do you really know for fact?? People lie, mirrors lie, the government, your parents, your dog, educational value, your boss, you even to your own self!!!
Understand all are trying to say that I'm telling you the truth-- except your dog-- please believe me, but you have to WILLING to take the risk!!!
Biggest misconception around here is people thinking that they have facts because they have experience. No my dear, you've experienced something with someone, not this one or that one, you FEAR so you will always be bound, you allow your own folly to control you from something that you desire. What is that??? Sounds like stagnation.
Do you really believe that two totally different people could bring you the exact same experience? I don't believe that to be possible, YOU may perceive the outcome to have been a failure and many other things. It caused you discomfort. So sorry for you.
I don't like to be played around with. Especially when I explain who I am. Firstly, I am a human, so with that there is no perfection in me. Nor is there in anyone. I like challenge and happily step up to them even when I know they can result in loss for me. For so long I stayed safe- DO NOT RECOMMEND- it's boring, draining and oh so disappointing. I know a gentleman that said something so profound about his wife. He knew he wanted her regardless of what her experiences were, he felt aligned with her and he desired to have her, failure or prosper, he was even involved in a relationship but saw fit that he end that because he knew that if he'd stayed with her, he'd feel as if he didn't go for what he desired. The risk outweighed the comfort.
These people have many luxuries and they honestly remind me of the Huxtables, not lacking adversity but solid. God bless them, I'm not as close as I used to be with them, but I admire from afar.
The limitations that I have have caused me to feel uncomfortable today, what I've learned is that although you tell the truth and walk the fine line for whatever you deem worthy of that effort, you will never be good enough-- at least for now.
As I live I am misunderstood. Always have been, a passionate one, a one that has been hurt and concluded that I am unstoppable- the shit I've experienced should've stopped me. Could've stopped many that I know, no disrespect. I choose to be concerned for myself, if I'm not who will, however, I'm not living in confinement anymore. Right now I cant think of one benefit- not that they're aren't any, I just can't bring them to my mind.
In closing, I don't intentionally hurt those that I love, counterproductive to growth, and it runs people away, perhaps I am somewhat scary. I don't mean to be. I mean well and I will do whatever for whom I deem worthy. I encourage all those that are feeling stuck, lack of motivation and confusion to do something that challenges you.
I have no regrets because in the time I experienced happiness which has been lacking in my life for longer than I'm comfortable with saying. Thank you for challenging me, for making me question, for everything.
Chef's kiss, it was revitalizing.
Graciously, I do bid you farewell.