Sexual abuse and healing

Hey ponderers!!!

This is a very revealing post- but I have to speak on it for the sake of others.

You are not an inadequate human because people have abused and hurt you. It's all in how you handle it.

Let's talk...

So a small little girl named Krisinda was nearly abducted away from her mom from a mall. Apparently the abductor walked me all the way into the parking lot almost into the car-- I was lured by a child, by the grace of God my mom followed her intuition and ran into the parking lot instead of further into the mall and hence I'm here today to tell you all this.

Same girl was around 10 years of age and I was pulled and lifted up from around my waist and carried away by a man that I was familiar with from the neighborhood. With this one I honestly didn't put up much of a fight. I honestly thought that it was a joke. The group of kids that I was playing with that day screamed and yelled and casted stones at the man until he let me go. He dropped me right on my back and ran away.

Same Krisinda was sitting with a group of friends, I believe I was the age of 11 or 12 a boy that was around came and sat next to me and put his hands in a place where they didn't belong. Me being the SUPER non confrontational girl that I was I ignored the violation and even buried it in the subconscious mind until I was 39. I saw him one day and I asked him if it was him who touched me and he said "yes, it was me, I apologize, I wanted to see if you were real"

I can't lie, it took me back because I've heard that countless time in my life. Like what do you think, I'm an android??

I thanked him for his apology and I got back into my car and drove off.

Same girl named Krisinda aged 14 was a maverick in taekwondo and aspired to be a black belt- just like sensei. I had a competition where I had a spar with a couple of people- sensei told me that I had to fight a boy. This was by far the scariest day of my life. I thought this kid was gonna take my head off. Let me not forget to mention that he did catch me with a serious roundhouse kick to the head- that made me mad and I gave him my all... I won and I earned my first LARGE trophy. Sensei took the entire dojo to his home and we went over our weaknesses and strengths. He was always so hard on me, but he knew that I wanted to be great, for me it was the price I had to pay to become great. After a while kids started going home, their parents picking them up and before you knew it it was just him and I.

This was not an issue, sensei knew my mom and he was someone that we trusted, I was with him alone often- we went back to the dojo and dropped off some items from his home, we're walking over to the door and the lights go out, it was pitch black and I was virtually blind. Instinctively I stopped because I was like a puppet with sensei so I waited for him to tell me what to do. Next thing I knew, I felt and smelled breath on my face, right near my mouth, I knew what was about to happen- tears streamed down my face and I said to myself, well here it is, another hurt from a man... sensei touched me and kissed me on the mouth, which was repulsive to me. After he finished, he also apologized and said that he was a sick man, but he loved me-- although I was just a kid.

I left and never returned without any explanation to my parents or anyone else.

I tell you today, Krisinda at 40 years of age, again I'm experiencing hurt from men. I have a stalker that currently knows where I work and live and likes to sit and watch me and make remarks that are just overall weird.

I have no one to rely on for help, my home is not safe in my mind. I've been trying to leave for some time now, or at least create an environment that feels safe for me.

I have been blamed for my own violations... statements like "you need to learn to to tell a n*%*a to get the f%#k out of your face". Would that truly change this situation? I'm targeted because I mind my business? Or is it because I work too late at night?

The answer is no. When people don't want to help you they find reasons to blame you for what they're not interested in doing.

This is well with me.

What I know is that, I will protect myself by all means. I let things slide because of confusion and disappointment. This is not the same as the issues that i previously mentioned.

I'm praying for healing from the hurt, praying for protection from all weapons that may form against me, even if they rise up, I believe that they will not prosper. I realize now that I really never had a protector- but I thank God for being able to navigate through life as normal as I could. I have two beautiful daughters that I desire the absolute best for.

Don't let your hurt or people's opinions define you. Take control of your life and stay vigilant.

Stay blessed,

Kay 🫶🏽

PS: Don't start suggesting that my parents were never around.... they were. I grew up working class with both parents in the house. I'm bred in the 80's when you could play until the streetlights came on. I just had some poor experiences. Love you Ernestine and Victor Foster.

No proof reading on this one because I'll delete it all, I just feel like someone needs to hear this.