Good evening fellow ponderers!!!!
I’d like to take a turn from the typical fashion based posts and address what is becoming more prevalent in the black community—- mental health issues— more specifically, suicide. I think of the late Cheslie Krys. When she comes to my mind, I think of a woman that had it ALL. Beauty, brains, education, career and from the looks of it, most things that most strive for in between. Her fall from grace has been bothering me every since I became aware of it. I never knew her personally, never followed her on social media, but I remember her because I saw her become crowned in 2019 the prestigious title of Miss USA. Looking at her, I was proud, she was articulate and I felt like she was the best deserving of the title that night. I can‘t imagine the gravity of what it was that led her to take her own life. I actually can, but I’d be assuming so…
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Now, I’m not one that condones suicide- it is against all that I stand for. However, I understand and empathize with those who have made the decision to end what they believe has plagued them for the final time.
In my mind, there is no final time, as humans live we transition and as we transition we are not comfortable with what we’re experiencing during that period because it’s temporary. Transition is not designed to be permanent. It’s an avenue that you travel to get to the destination. (This exact vernacular is coming directly from Bible study) ( Thank you sis Taye *wink, wink*)
I say with sincerity and conviction as I breathe right now because I’m in a transition in my life. My transition is uncomfortable for me. I also feel
that the solution is relatively simple- but I’m learning that there isn’t one at this moment. It’s not in my control and that’s that. I‘d lIke to get to the moment of solution.
What that looks like is to go to work and have an idea on what my assignments are. I like structure and uniformity. That’s also being said with much respect because we all know that work/ leisure or anything else is not always the above described. I have been complaining because I’m unclear on what my contribution is to my current employment. Plus I have another issue that presents itself as subtle- but it is actually RADICAL. I will remain a class act and refrain from the details, everyone has had an event in life that has provoked change in them as an individual; as an empath I understand and embrace that. This issue makes embracement difficult for me. In the process I’M BEING CUT DOWN. It‘s a resting time for that because I’ve EARNED MY keep in this industry. I don’t want to be bothered honestly. I know who I am, I know what I can do, I know what I have to offer. Honestly, I’m ready to ascend away from this transition stage. I know I’m worthy of it, which is why I accepted the position. God knows all things, I want to remain sensitive in the spirit and keep faith oriented thoughts because if nothing else, I’m helping and encouraging the staff. I’ll post a beautiful message from staff at the end of this article.
I‘m intending on achieving other goals. I I feel that I’ve been gracious—- as a matter of fact I know that I’ve been gracious. I’m tired, but I don’t see what the point is to be led here just to turn my back on it unless I absolutely have to. Everything that I just explained to you affects MY mental health. What your read may feel ungrateful and even trivial- it isn’t. If you knew my life, you’d understand that I’m on a completely different wavelength and I don’t see others that can carry a candle near me. At least not from where I’m standing.
I have two young woman I’m raising and I set the example for them the same way my mom did for me. Whether they decide to use my example or not is on them, but they will have one. All of this is taxing on my mental health head space. Although, I didn’t know Chesley— I understand the feeling of pressure. Im nervous about my peers, my family, my friends. Let’s all remain kind in the midst of our own turmoil. We are all fighting for our lives in some capacity. Jesus befriended the forgotten and lost people. I’d like to be an example of a diminutive part of that type of love. I am sending my prayers and love to all of those dealing with life. I’m standing in it and I’m a bit tired. Not tired enough to give up.
I encourage you to show up as your best self- you just never know who is watching.